My root. My mother.

Where did I come from?

Family .. my root

I was born as a second child and a first baby girl for my parents. I was diagnosed with atopic dermatitis as a baby. My mom apparently tried to breastfeed me but I refused to drink it so she decided to feel me with bottled milk. (!!! Who knew that was my own choice!!!)

***When babies are not drinking the breastmilk, there may be something that baby’s body doesn’t agree with in the breastmilk. This highly depends on what the mother is eating.***  => Related post

My brother, three years older than me, had both eczema and asthma. He often had the asthma attack as a child so that made him difficult to go to school.  I, on the other hand, grew up with multiple infections. My parents were busy going back and forth between home and a hospital for us while we were little.

Luckily, my mom was against medications as much as possible. She tried to find a solution for us to heal from what we had. She once heard that there were very spiritual healing water in the next province so we drove like two hours to get the water to drink. When she found a Chinese practitioner in our community, my brother started regular acupuncture sessions with him for his asthma and I had the medicinal liquid to put on my skin.

Despite of her effort, nothing seemed helping, especially for my condition. She must have been devastated when she saw me scratching every night, and getting futon sheets stained by my blood all over.

We tried wrapping up my wrists, arms, legs, and neck with handkerchiefs to protect from scratching. But it was the time she could no longer stand looking at me like this. She decided to take me to a hospital for help. I was prescribed with some hydrocortisone cream. The doctor mentioned there were side effects such as thinning the skin. I used it under my mom’s supervision. That was her to put it on me before bed time.

When I was around 8, I started noticing emotions like shame and jealousy. It was very embarrassing to have the skin disorder, the different look and thickness on my skin. So I started using the cortisone cream everyday like a moisturizer, didn’t matter whether I had rash or not. It also didn’t matter if my mom knew about it or not.

Interestingly, my mom never thought of the fact that food could have been affecting the symptoms. Because there was a belief that this was genetic.

Mother to me is..

My mom was born to parents with asthma. So it was natural for her to think that her children would happen to have the same disorder as the family. The answer was “it’s because genetic.”

Because she was the seventh child among seven daughters in her family, her parents were a bit older when she was born. For this reason, I didn’t have much time to get to know them either. My grandma passed away when I was 4 or 5. And grandpa passed away about 4 years after her.

My family had a regular visit every Sunday as they didn’t have a son, and all seven daughters left home.  They were living alone.

In traditional families back then, boys looked after their parents as it was normal that two or more generations live in the same house. But this didn’t happen for my grandparents so my parents decided to visit every Sunday to look after.

After both of my grandparents passed away, we were still visiting the house as we had the grave yard for our ancestors and the altar in the house. I enjoyed putting some flower and incense, and read the sutras for them as a little girl. This came all natural even though my family isn’t seriously religious. I understand this as a part of my family’s tradition because my mom was doing it as far as I remember.

While visiting grandparents’, my brother and I played in the nature. We helped our mom growing vegetables and fruits (cabbage, cucumber, tomatoes, corn, sweet potatoes, squash, watermelon, apples, pears, lots kind of greens, etc), swam in the pond, picked mushrooms and chestnuts, petted pigs, and enjoyed echoes when we sang loud in the mountains.

She still tells me growing vegetables and fruits is her best interest of all time and that have been making her happy no matter what.

Mother as mother and father

When I was around 9, she asked me if I was okay if she started working a part time job. I said “Yes!”. This was because I thought I could have my own house key to come home! Back then, it was sort of a fashion for kids to have their house keys (called “Kagikko”) as their parents were still at work when their kids were coming home. I wanted the same!

But she actually worked at night in the newspaper delivery office. She would make dinner, have some nap and leave for work around 2am. She sometimes had to leave around 10pm when there were a lot to do. When I wake up and get ready for school, she is sleeping after coming home around 4am.

I didn’t really tell her how I felt about her not at home at night. But when she left for work early at night, I was still awake and watching TV alone. I remember I was feeling super lonely even what I was watching was the comedy show.

She had to take over a role of my dad, when he got transferred to the different branch, when I was around 11. They first asked me whether we want to move with him or stay. I was still 11 but I knew the family should be together. But one day, when I came home from school, my mom told me that dad was gone.

Since, she had become the mother and the father in the family, especially for me and my brother. And she probably hoped that we three become ever closer, because it was for us, kids. They thought that it was better for us to learn in the same school, same friends, and the same community.

I had never understood what they chose for us. I hated the fact that my family had to live separately. I went rebel soon after. I really didn’t talk to my family about myself, about school, about my friends… nothing. And that’s about when I started developing more health challenges.

 

Read more…

Mother’s role and My health

Stages to become a whole ~ my second step~

Spirit for Healing

 

I was almost running away from the past or the reality. I had all my friends who knew me with a normal skin. I was scared when they see my skin all red and patchy, they would judge me and say “Are you okay?”. It was true that I needed some change. I needed to change the social life as I think I wasn’t over the relationship I had previous years.

Anyway, I got on a plane on January first in 2012. I moved to Toronto, ON. In a new place, there are new people who didn’t know me and my past. I thought I could be a bit more comfortable with the skin if people didn’t know my healthy skin.

In Toronto, there were a lot of transitions happened for me. Even though I still think I would never live in the east side of the county, I have met the most beautiful inspirational people in my life.

Without them, I couldn’t go through the ups and downs of my healing. I’m not gonna lie that those ups and downs were super hard for me. But now I know that my body had to go through this in order to get better and the universe sent me those people to help me go through it.

Only one time, please let me use this…

About a couple of months after moving to TO, I had an important event back in my home. My brother was getting married and I was to attend. Because my family didn’t know what I was going through, how my skin looks like, I thought I didn’t want them to worry.

My parents thought I had a healthy skin the whole time as an adult. Since I was never be like a kid who talks things to parents, I just decided to use the cortisone cream before going to see them. So I could have a healthy skin while I was there.

Me before the wedding in Japan 2012

Here is the picture in March (2012) after I “fixed” my skin. I was truly happy to have my “healthy” skin back again, even though I knew it was fake. I could expose my skin and wear some make up on again!

Be strong and start healing…

Despite of my joy having that smooth skin again, I knew I really needed to commit to heal. As soon as I came back to TO from Japan, I threw away the last portion of the cortisone cream. There were no way I could go to the walk in clinic to ask for the prescription again.

I was still drinking some alcohol and had some social life, meeting new people as I somehow kept my fixed skin since Japan. It was till the next winter. I started to have some flare ups again. Because of the new work environment, I enjoyed eating foods that I eliminated in BC such as gluten, dairy, soy and eggs with new co-workers.

New commitment

While I was still figuring out what I could eat and what not besides eating 100% organic, one thing I thought I should do was to quit alcohol. It was already easier for me to do so as I wasn’t really drinking much by then.

It was the last glass of vodka martini at a NYE party in TO. From 2013 January 1st, I am ever sober.  You can’t really stress the liver as it’s the most important organ when it comes to healing the skin.                        I also quit coffee as I started to become thirsty more as I drink it. I’d rather be hydrated than the taste of it.

As I was taking a course in IHN Mississauga for a certification of Iridology, I learned about “coffee enema” to help the body detox. Around the same time, I added a castor oil pack as a daily regime.

I have to tell you that those are a quite commitment. My regime at night was to do the coffee enema at least twice daily and castor oil pack 5 days a week.

Diet v.s. skin?

When I moved to TO, I started going to a rock climbing gym myself. Here, I met couple of my best friends for life. One of them is a girl, Anya who was a hard core vegan for 7years then, and was a holistic veterinarian. She was an out of ordinary girl whom I can’t say enough about. We hit off right away and talked a lot about deeper heavy stuff. I told her what I had been going through and what I had been trying out in terms of diet and supplements.

But one day, she said to me…

“Fumi, have you ever thought looking into more emotional traumas?”                                                                   ” You have tried almost everything but if things are not getting better… you may need to solve some emotional stuff.”

I mean… I knew the concept of being “holistic”, being a “whole”. We see us as a whole… mind, body and spirit. But I only understood it in my brain, not in my heart.

Emotions v.s. skin?

After about a year living in TO, I met someone who I liked to get to know more. He was really lovely and was interested in the healthy living and eating healthy.

Because his work schedule was completely the opposite, I could keep my daily regime for healing. When he called me on his break and asked me what I did in the evening, my answer was the same.

Coffee enema and castor oil pack!!

Me few years back was living to be loved by someone I loved. But then, I was doing something for myself… to heal.

Even though we only dated like a couple of months, there were interesting things happened to me. While we were dating, my skin started to get worse again. One day, he wanted to come over after work but I said I didn’t want to see him because my skin was so red and itchy. I was embarrassed to be seen by anyone. I insisted that we wouldn’t see that night. But he came over anyway. And as soon as he come to my room, he said to me..

You look beautiful.”

“I don’t get why you think that you weren’t.”

I don’t remember I kicked him out of the room after that or let him stay. But I remember I was really really angry and hated myself… my skin. Despite of what he told me… I looked beautiful. And then, of course I scratched my skin that night and the next day, some part of my skin was bleeding.

During this relationship, Anya asked me why I was still with him because I was scratching my skin every time he comes over. There were always some anger coming out from me and as a result, I scratched till I bled.

I didn’t know why I was angry while I was with him. But I know the anger was causing more irritation in my skin. And for sure the anger was waiting for the chance to be released from my body for years.

 

Read my third step here.

Stages to become a whole ~ my first step~

Spirit for Healing

 

To be quite honest with you, I have been going through A LOT! If I think of all that, they are all relevant, meaning… all comes back to lack of “self-love”. But while going through all, my focus was how to get rid of all the pain psychologically and physically.

While I wasn’t sure how, I wasn’t also ready for the change till I was. I’m gonna talk about stages at which I peeled my thick “onion skin” little by little.

I talk about this “onion skin” quite a lot.  We as a raw human being, we are so fragile to live without any protections around us. When someone judges you, when someone hurts you, when someone lies to you, when someone betrays you, when someone gets angry with you, when someone dies, etc… we start creating a guard (onion skin) to protect ourselves. When we don’t peel it off (process the emotions), we keep creating the new ones around us. The older they get, the harder they become to peel off.

We all have different steps to go through as our body knows which one is the most important to work first, and next at the time. (This is one of my favourite things about our body!!!) And the first one is always the hardest to go through and could be the thickest skin to peel off.

It takes time and patience.

First Stage…

In 2011, I started going to school to become a certified nutritional practitioner (CNP) in Vancouver, BC. I first had no idea what “holistic nutrition” meant. After a half year passed, the contents of the each course got deeper, especially when we learned about “Chakra”, the energy centre in the body.

Around that time, I freaked out about what I had been doing to my body. Especially, this made me promise myself to quit cortisone cream forever and decided to cleanse my body.

New commitment

I started eating 100% organic. Luckily, because of the school, I didn’t really drink alcohol but still having late nights even though healing requires a lot of sleep which I couldn’t have really.  After couple of weeks into the cleansing program, I started having a huge flare up from head to toe. I asked around the instructors in school what I could do for that. One recommended to take fish oil, and the other recommended to stop whatever I was doing. She said I may have been reacting to some ingredients I was talking for cleansing.

Emotional break down

Since the flare up which happened during the summer, I couldn’t stand being in public as my face had red patches. Because my whole body was red and itchy, I wore hoodie and jeans in summer to hide my body. And because I was embarrassed and depressed, pretty much what I did was minimal, went to school and came home or went to work and came home. This was like for months.

What have I tried during the time of first flare up?

Since I was committed not to rely on cortisone cream anymore, I went to see an acupuncturist who someone told me was healing skin diseases. She gave me a salve made of Chinese herbs. One day, someone told me to use coconut oil.

Well, guess what?

It wasn’t so simple!!!

When it comes to skin problems, we traditionally think we need some cream to fix it. Let me tell you that I have tried billions of creams on the market! None of it helped to clear up the skin in couple of days like some say.

What was I eating?

I eliminated dairy, eggs, and gluten from my diet around this time. And ate more raw vegetables with simple apple cider vinegar with honey dressing. And this happened.

One morning, I was eating a huge salad with nuts and seeds like usual. My eye lids started to swell. I freaked out so much and luckily I had an allergy test kit that my school gave us sometime. I pricked my finger and sent it to the lab.

The result showed me I was allergic to every single item on the list even green vegetables.

Leaky gut => Heal the gut!

Easier said than done. As a baby nutritionist still then, all I did was to take fish oil and probiotics and eliminated all the major allergens like eggs, dairy, wheat and soy. I was eating raw vegetables less.

After almost 6 months into the journey, my skin was slightly better. I decided to move to the east side of Canada after graduating school in 2012.

Read my second step here.

 

 

Before going to see a practitioner

Make Choices

 

As we all have a different belief system in life, every single holistic practitioner does his/her unique belief system. It depends on what they have learnt, who they learnt with, where their knowledge is coming from, how they processed the information/knowledge, and so forth.

For example, I am not formally religious but I believe in God (Goddess), the universe, the entities, the angels, the spirits that are guiding me everyday. Now, God (Goddess) I mean is an undescribable figure as he/she could be myself or could be the universe. The very important point is that I believe that without them, my healing didn’t happen, it could have been harder to heal without their guidance.

I also believe in nutritions in animal products** such as butter, ghee, raw milk, organ meats, fish, fish oils, etc. **organic

Before I studied with Dr. Natasha Campbell-Mcbride for GAPS diet, I was a nutritionist who were giving suggestions according to my client’s dietary preference, meaning if they are vegetarian, then I would suggest dietary recommendation around it. So as vegans, or meat eaters. I tried to respect their diet no matter what health challenges they had.

This is because I was very confused by instructors in school while learning holistic nutrition. When a raw vegan instructor was teaching a course, then we were to believe “go raw vegan!”. Later, an another instructor believed in animal products. He would say “Eat more organ meats, don’t be a vegetarian or vegan!”. Some students who were vegetarians even argued with him in class!! It was very much like people who believed in different religions!

From that moment, I promised myself to guide my future clients according to their dietary preference without convincing to go either side. But unfortunately, this was me without knowing how really our body heals.

Now, after learning more about our body, how we could help our body to heal by eating food that is bio-available, I am now believe in GAPs Diet that suggests more animal fat, organ meats, fermented foods, and fermented dairy products. So, if new clients come to see me for a nutritional consultation now, I would have a session completely different from years ago. I may need to ask them to change their dietary preference. But I want them to know that this is for the healing, not to judge their belief system. It should never be for that anyways as a professional practitioner.

 

So what can you do?

Please know that every practitioner will suggest something differently for your health challenges based on their knowledge or dietary preference.

For example, when he/she is vegan, they may tell you to get flax oil in order to have some DHA over fish oils or Vitamin D2 over Vitamin D3. They may tell you to eat more raw. But there are hidden risks for this. Especially, for those who have severe digestive problems with/without symptoms.

Research before booking an appointment!

I personally suggest you to go to see a practitioner who knows about GAPs Diet, especially when you are trying to heal from eczema, asthma, and allergies (of course, many other conditions could be helped by GAPs too!!). Sometimes, when we need help, we just search for practitioners randomly in the area without knowing what they are really specialized in. It is very important that you feel right about the practitioner when you find him/her or after doing the ton of research about them. If you don’t know whether this is the one to book an appointment with, probably NOT. When in doubt, just move on, and keep searching. You could even call or email to have a chat to get to know them. This way, you will have a good sense of who they are.

Good chemistry = > Great guidance

When you feel good about the practitioner, please trust and follow the guidance. When things are not going well, we tend to think that we should look for somebody else for help. ((Except, other modalities are fine, such as body talk but be careful with acupuncture (or TCM). Especially when they suggest you for Chinese herbs.)) In a worst case, some go back to a medical doctor who gives you medications. Well, when this happens, your healing will go back to square one.

Please remember, healing takes time and you are the healer of your own. It is not someone else who is healing you but yourself. Your search for a practitioner was to have a proper guidance for the healing. In order not to confuse yourself, you don’t need multiple different dietary guidances. Trust your intuition for this. You did your own research for a good amount of time by now.

 

Need help for finding a practitioner local?

Some practitioners (myself too!) do offer a Skype session if you can’t find a practitioner with a great vibe in your local area. Go to this site to find out.

 

One more important thing to consider when looking for a practitioner…

Please do find a practitioner who is familiar with the body’s psychosomatic responses. Especially, when it comes to skin disorders, our psychological and/or physical state is largely involved.

Our skin is itself an organ, just like the heart, lungs, and liver. It is the body’s largest organ, in fact. And perhaps, it’s most sensitive. Because the skin is your boundary with the world outside, at which every act of love, hate, work, and play takes place, it is here that you experience pleasure and pain.

Remember that emotional difficulties can cause some skin diseases; and that even when the cause is clearly physical such as from heredity, infection, or chemical irritation, it may trigger attacks or make them more severe.

It is always a plus to find practitioners who understand this.

Use of Heal Eczema From Insideout

Terms and Conditions

 

While I was still having many ups and downs on my healing from chronic eczema, I wanted to create this blog to share my journey with people who are going through the same, and having uncertainty whether they would ever heal the condition or not.

Bottom line…  YOU WILL. To be more specific, YOUR BODY is always trying to heal.

Your job is to support your body do its job. This will depend upon the input and output of toxic burden. What we want is to minimize the input and to maximize the output of toxins in the body.

You can think of a “water barrel”, water as toxins and a barrel as our body.

 

When the barrel isn’t full, there is a space for more water. And as long as the water is drained from the faucet regularly, it will never be overflowed. However, if it starts overflowing, that’s the symptoms and signs trying to warn us something needs to be changed. Pains, headaches, rash, allergies, and all other types of inflammation are the sings of imbalance in the body. But because our body is always trying to heal, we don’t either recognize the signal as symptoms goes away after a certain period, or don’t want to acknowledge that there is something out of balance in our body as healing requires a commitment for us to make.

 

It’s totally up to you whether you want to get to know yourself better through your healing journey or not. Isn’t that a part of our purpose in our lives?

Well…Why am I saying this?

Because the healing isn’t that simple. You may change your diet, lifestyle either partially or completely, or relationships… Those sure will help your healing. But it’s not that simple (AGAGIN!). We are complex. Diseases are multifactorial. There are multiple layers that you have to peel in order to overcome challenges (obstacles) like an onion. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually…

When I was super desperate to find ANY information to cure my condition in 2011, I had never found practitioners who mentioned nutritional therapy, psychotherapy, and bodywork such as acupuncture, body talk, and so on, all together. They are a “Bioregulatory” approach. (I will explain more about this approach later)

I don’t know how many of you reading this believe our body’s “psychosomatic responses”. But I do. This is why I am in a much better place as of now (2017. Jul). The most of diseases is caused by both physical and emotional traumas. That being said, we need to look after our body and emotions.

I will be introducing what processes that I had gone through in order to achieve the physical healing and emotional healing. I hope the information could become some references to your healing journey.

Healing takes time (there are no magic pills for the true healing) but you will get out of the darkness one day as long as you are moving forward.

Let’s start with listing what you are grateful for today…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stages to become a whole Intro

Spirit for Healing

 

When it comes to healing, no matter what type of health challenges you have, there would be multiple stages that you are going to overcome. If you hit the first stage when you are older, a bit more difficult it becomes to take it to the next stage. What I mean by that is that usually longer it takes to feel better again.

It has been a quite journey for me since I hit the first stage in 2011, I had a lot of ups and downs and while doing that, I had never known when I would see the light again. It felt like the challenge was never going to end.

Well, for some people, their healing journey will end completely and they could get back the whatever life they want. Eat whatever they like, drink whatever they like, live in a super toxic city… you name it.

But for some, they will have to stick to the protocol forever or for longer. These people have to be on a certain diet, they won’t be able to eat out,  they can’t live in the middle of the polluted city… just have to find the pleasure in a slightly limited environment. Which is.. perfectly possible from my experience.

Why is that?

Because we all are unique individuals. We all have different constitutions. Some can drink the hell amount of alcohol but for some, a shot glass of beer will make them feel drunk. Same as healing. When we have a strong constitution, they may heal faster than people who have a weak constitution. Or the strong constitution may give them extreme reactions to the healing such as rashes, vomiting, etc. The weak constitution could give them extreme reactions even though they tool 1/12 of the recommended dosage of supplement.

My point is… EVERYBODY is unique. So please know that the information you could get from Mr. Google is just general information. You may or may not become a whole from it.

I too, googled to find any “solutions”, when I was in downs and emotionally devastated. There are people online writing about their experiences that they healed their acne and eczema with coconut oil, apple cider vinegar, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Zinc, liver herbs (Milk Thistle, dandelion, etc), Probiotics, neem oil, olive oil, and more. Well, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that these are useless. I am saying that we are not that simple.

We can’t really heal ourselves with just one item or two. The solution isn’t that simple. We are super complicated beings. It is hard to understand and admit that your healing might take years to give you normal life. But our body needs whatever time it takes to heal. It knows how to handle unless we mess with it.

I will share the stages that I took to come to where I am as of 2017. I hope this could give you some idea that you still have hope, even though you are in downs at this moment.

Happy healing~

 

Commitment

Spirit for Healing

 

 

What do you need to prepare for your healing that may even take months or years?

Yes, you change your diet healthier, buy some “detox” supplements or herbs, and read about “how to”s online… so you may feel ready.

What if … your friends invite you to a party, drink a bit more than usual, stay out late, and you have to go to work or school next morning without enough sleep? Or, your life is too busy for whatever reasons to have mindful meals? Or some may say, “You are doing everything you can. Maybe natural medicine could only do so much.”?

What is your solution in order to be able to stick to your healing?

The answer is… Commitment.
When it comes to making a commitment to our health, I strongly believe that a quite high degree of dedication is absolutely necessary. Especially, when you are trying to heal from chronic and/or multiple conditions.

When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape (by Andy Andrews).

Here, I don’t want you to get me wrong.
I trust that everything happens for a reason at the right time. When you decided to take on your healing journey, the healing has already started. When your body is ready, the mechanical part of the healing will take part.  And lastly, when your heart (soul) collaborates with those two, you will be much closer to becoming free from your health challenges.

Healing starts from head to toe, and inside out. 

Becoming a whole by going through this process (mind => body => heart/spirit) took me about 6 years. That’s about when my skin started to heal much faster and look better. No one could notice scars on my face or arms from scratching, unless I told them I used to.

I have posted about making a strong and certain commitment at each stage of my healing here.
I hope my story could inspire your journey and give you a sense of what dedication is going to be.

Again, everybody has their own “right time” to experience the process. You will commit in your own way accordingly. But once you decided to walk this path, never quit until this commitment transforms your belief into reality.

 

 

Disclaimer

Terms and Conditions

The information on “Heal Eczema From Insideout” is not intended to replace a one-on -one relationship with me and/or (a qualified health care professional) and is not intended as medical advice. It is intended as a sharing of knowledge and information from the research and experience of me (Fumie Yamaguchi, ROHP, RNCP), and the experts who have contributed to my knowledge. I encourage you to make your own health care decisions based upon your research and in partnership with a qualified health care professional. This site is created for informational purposes only and no guarantees, promises, representations or warranties of any kind regarding specific or general benefits. I (Fumie Yamaguchi, ROHP, RNCP) is not responsible for, and shall have no liability for any success or failure, acts and/or omissions, the appropriateness of the visitor’s decisions, or the use of or reliance on this information.

Code of Ethics

Terms and Conditions

As a member of the IONC, I commit to the following:

  1. Honest at all times, and comply legally with various municipal and provincial and federal government laws and regulations.
  2. Maintain competency and practice safely within the scope of practice and training.
  3. Treat clients with integrity, and respect the clients’ rights to make informed choices about their healthcare.
  4. Educate the public about Orthomolecular and Holistic nutrition, providing accurate information about nutrition, diet and lifestyle.
  5. Educate clients regarding specific diet options and nutritional support to help build and maintain nutritional well-being.
  6. Assess nutritional imbalances through bodily symptoms to support clients’ unique nutritional requirements..
  7. Do not diagnose disease.
  8. Do not perform controlled acts without legal authority.
  9. Do not advise clients to adjust or stop medications or discontinue seeing a medical professional.
  10. Respect and value the importance of confidentiality and privacy issues and are diligent with the collection of client’s private information in accordance with the Personal Information Protection and Electronic Documents Act (PIPEDA).
  11. Products that are recommended by me aren’t guaranteed to treat, cure or prevent any diseases of unique individuals.