Browsing Tag

self-love

The Grass is Always Greener on The Otherside?

Healing Procedure May 22, 2022

Whether we acknowledge and take a step to our health concerns, and symptoms or not, we think what other people are going through is much easier than what we are going through.

Well, when I was having terrible flare-ups on my whole body, I thought I was the first person that people would feel sorry for among others. Some told me that they had been having chronic back pain, joint pain, pains during menstruation, IBS, etc. But I didn’t think it was as terrible as the problem is on the skin where other people could see in the eyes.

We are all very unique individuals. What we are healing from has no hierarchy.

While I have never had pains during menstruation, some girls can’t even get out of bed when it happens. While I have never experienced arthritis, some expressed to me that the pain is so unbearable that they could be chronically depressed. But pains are invisible. We don’t know how hard it is what they are going through until we experience the degree of the pain.

I have been healing from chronic eczema and Topical Steroid Withdrawal (TSW for short). My day-to-day life was mostly downs not so many ups because it was my face and neck where I couldn’t really hide with clothes like other parts of the body. People would ask me if I had an allergic reaction to some foods. People would offer me to use coconut oil, shea butter, or other oils to moisturize the skin where I knew the problem wasn’t the “skin” itself.  I was embarrassed about how I looked. I wished it wasn’t my face.

In 2013, I started wearing eyeglasses (I have been wearing contacts in public since grade 6) so that I could at least hide a tiny part of my face. And looking in a mirror became my obsession to look for my “flaws” and “imperfection” instead of telling myself “I love you”. So of course, I never wanted to be social either. I started to hide from everybody.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I didn’t mind spending time alone at all, which led me to feel depressed for a really long time.

Just before the end of the summer in 2013, a good friend of mine came back from Brazil. She told me all about her healing journey there in Abadiania. That’s when I learned about John of God, famous for healing people with chronic degenerative diseases. (ADDITIONAL NOTE: Today when I’m writing this blog, he has been arrested for numerous accusations of sex abuse. I didn’t know back then about what was going on and his crimes in the Casa.)

Her story was more than enough to convince me to book flights to visit him after 10 mins of chat. I got return tickets to Abadiania for December that night.

I was so looking forward to clearing my skin while I was there for two weeks and looking “healthy” again but this time not faking it with a cortisone cream.

Did it happen?

The answer is no.

The symptoms got worse when I arrived. My friend told me it was common. But my skin was unbearably itchy so much so that I couldn’t stay still day and night. While everybody visited for their own healing was hanging out in the “Love Bubble”, I stayed inside all day hiding out from people.

A couple of things I tried meanwhile were an in-person session on a crystal bed about 3 days a week for chakra balancing and giving prayers at the casa.

About a week in, I was finally able to get to see John of God after waiting in line for a couple of hours. There was only a little time he could spend with each person and for me, his word was not anything I wanted to hear – “You should come back here three more times. Then you will heal.”

I was disappointed big time.

My anger was at its peak as my skin was red and scally getting worse despite the treatments on the crystal bed, not sleeping at all because of the itch, and feeling lonely and helpless.

Then, the year turned 2014. I heard people counting the time to zero, then screaming, and singing, the fireworks had gone off and celebrating all night.

Me?

I was in bed alone asking the universe to free my spirit from my body.

I lost count of how many times I wished my health challenges were not on my skin and rather inside of the body where they are invisible.

People in the “Love Bubble” in Abadiania looked all healthy no matter how serious their health challenges could be, it didn’t matter to me. When your inside is so rotten by toxicity both emotionally and physically, you envy others and you feel you are the worst victim of life.

Yes, that was me.

What was my takeaway from this trip?

It was “SELF-LOVE”. I got this message from spirits while I was writing a note (“I want healthy skin.”) for the community prayer at the casa. I couldn’t understand it then and for a while after. The message was too simple to connect the dot necessary to heal my skin.

But it was “SELF-LOVE” that I needed to explore deeper in order to get to know ME more. It turns out that my skin healing journey was much bigger than just eczema or TSW, but also the journey to be able to see the grass on my side is just as green as the other side and it’s up to me whether to see the beauty in my grass or not.

When our eyes and minds are on what’s missing or imperfection in us, we are never able to appreciate how authentic we are. When we overlook the authenticity in us, it becomes harder to align with our hearts where we (true selves) can manifest and reflect the outside world from within.

 

Can you feel your imperfection is your authenticity?

Can you see what’s making you feel resented about your body is actually authentic?

 

“Look up. Because you are beautiful.”

What is “Self-Love”?

Educational Information, Healing Procedure, Make Choices, Spirit for Healing March 23, 2018

I was asked one day.

What does self-love mean?

Do you think I have known what self-love is before starting my healing journey?

NO.

I believe this is something you learn as you experience certain events in life and be willing to heal from those events emotionally and physically. I’m sorry but I don’t believe people lightly say “I love myself.”. Because that’s not what I’m not talking about.

Abusing is NOT self-love.

My abusing started when I stopped looking after my body.

I intentionally held bowel movement as I was ashamed to go to the toilet when I was like 7. Then started skipping meals or stopped eating “food” to lose weight. Which led to the anorexic behavior for about 6 years. The reason for the weight loss was that a boy in my class told me that I was chubby. Around the same time, my mother also told me that I was chubby. Since I was sort of competitive in nature, I promised myself to get skinny.

While I kept losing my weight, I also had an extreme pressure from my mother regarding the school work. I was probably a decent student in elementary school but the pressure was put before I enrolled mid school. This pressure gave me stomach pains every morning. I remember taking painkiller pills every day for the next several months until I collapsed in the middle of the class.

Apparently, I almost had a hole in my stomach. Who knows if that was from the pills or the stress.

In the meantime, I have introduced to laxatives from a senior student in school when I was 13 for my constipation. Luckily, my family wasn’t big on any medications unless it’s an emergency. So when I discovered the pills that helped my bowel movement, I was hooked. And addicted.

The daily dose of the laxative was two. How much I took daily was 6. It also helped me keep losing weight. This laxative addiction lasted another 10 years from then.

When I became a high school girl, my eating habit started to rebound. I binge ate pizza, cookies, and other snacks. My mother was happy I started eating no matter what I was eating. I tried to keep my weight just below 100 lbs (my height was 5’6″) with laxatives until I moved away from my parents’.

I started living alone in Tokyo while I was in college. Here I started having serious bulimic behavior. It was very tough times as I had never been able to tell anyone about my “secret”, even my boyfriend whom I was in a serious relationship with.

Tokyo is such a big city where I could easily abuse my body, such as lack of sleep, heavy alcohol intake, binge eating, and very lonely in the heart.

Let me remind you that none of above is ever “self-love”. I abused my body both physically and emotionally. Especially, I remember I cried every time I was trying to throw up in the toilet which often wasn’t an easy procedure.

And HATED me.

I hated myself not knowing when this was going to end. I hated myself not to be able to control my eating attitude. I hated myself hiding “true self” from my partner I loved. I hated myself acting happy in public and being a mess when I was alone.

On the contrary…

I’d like to think of myself I’m a much more self-loving girl now. Sure, the environment is different and I am older. I have learned what I was supposed to along the way. “Wholistic Healing Arts” – body, mind, and spirit. And I am still learning every single day.

Physically Self-loving

I sleep (at least trying to intentionally, if not.) 8 hours a day. I eat 100% organic including plenty of vegetables and occasionally fish and organ meats that nourish my body. I also quit alcohol in 2011 when I decided to commit to my healing. I excuse myself to go to a toilet whenever I need. I stopped weighing in 2005 (I have weighed once in 2009 and was the last time I did so.) but don’t feel pity about my body. I exercise lightly but daily. I enjoy the detox procedures such as Epsom salt bath, castor oil packs, vaginal steam, and coffee enema to help my body regenerate.

Mentally Self-loving

I learned to forgive myself and others in any situations. I learned to understand the unique human being. I learned to set my own boundary. I learned my limitations. I learned that every emotion (anger, sadness, grief, fear, etc) had its own right to be felt. I learned to let myself express how I feel. I learned to say no. I feel comfortable being self-reserved. I learned to let go of toxic relationships. I don’t waste my time with people engage in drama. I laugh every possible moment.

Spiritually Self-loving

I practice 1000 gratitude a day (I haven’t reached 1000 yet, I am trying every day!). I learned the relationship between female hormonal cycle and intuition, which helped me to understand when I would be more intuitive and when I would be more logic. I always ask “Why” to whatever happens in life which will let me become more aware of signs from the universe. I listen to my heart. I say thank you in every possible moment.

Other Self-loving

I don’t try to become someone whom I am not. This is a tough one from time to time, however. We meet people who are like-minded in some topics and completely opposite in other topics. Can we be still close to those people?

The answer is YES. All we have to do is to accept who they are. We don’t need to be with them 24/7. We hang out when we are talking about something in common. You don’t need to project yourself to like everything they do.

I know that I’m not for everyone. What I believe in life is not for everyone. How I see life isn’t for everyone. What works for me isn’t for everyone. Sure. If a lot of people show up in my life and they are all like-minded people, that’s great. But that’s not really my goal for self-love. Self-love here is to be okay with who you are, no matter how many people will become your people. What’s important is that you keep loving yourself despite the change “outside” you.

Organic restaurants are safe and healthy choice when going out for food?

Make Choices, Spirit for Healing December 21, 2017

 

When we are just about to enter the healing journey, eating out isn’t the first one to cut out of your life, because we have our social lives to keep. So we start suggesting friends to go to restaurants that serve more vegetables, gluten free, vegan/vegetarian options, and better yet they are either partially or completely organic. As far as I know, most of those restaurants support local farmers. That’s great! We feel less guilty eating fries if they are made in “healthy” restaurants.

Are they really healthy?

I have worked in different restaurants such as a bar, oyster house, and vegan/vegetarians’ over the years as a cook. And I have never found any restaurants that satisfy my way of eating when it comes to the way those restaurants make food, and ingredients and the way they are combined in a dish.

First of all, you don’t know what you are about to eat is really fresh. The food prep is usually done at least a day or two ago. If restaurants were slow on those days, they could be sitting in a fridge for days. Vegetable are exposed to oxygen and lights after being cut into pieces. Nutrients will be lost quickly, especially when they were pre-cooked.

Secondly, I like to mention about kitchen equipments. Among the restaurants I had worked in the past, some restaurants used teflon frying pans and aluminum pots besides stainless steel or cast iron ones. How about dishwasher they use? Do you think they use chemical free dish soap? Unfortunately, they don’t. That’s so rare to find places completely chemical free. Once dishes are washed with soap full of chemicals, they stays as they dry out. And you will be eating your food with toxic chemicals on the plates.

Lastly, yet most importantly, the biggest concern of mine is the oil. Especially, the vegetable oils such as canola oil, sunflower oil, olive oil, avocado oil, and other vegetable oils. I have written more about oils here.

The word free radicals has been well-known since a lot of scientists and doctors confirmed that they were responsible for the health crisis and degenerative diseases.  They are created from our body’s natural metabolism but the problem here I want to talk about is the way we consume oils is hugely contributing the free radical toxicity in the body.

When oils are heated, exposed to light or air, they change the chemical structure and become active as unpaired electron in the structure tries to pair up with other electron. This unpaired electron acts like a knife in the body damages the tissues and organs. This is so called free radical damages in the body.

Some oils such as coconut oil, palm oil, butter, ghee, and refined oils like high oleic sunflower oil, or high oleic safflower oil are more stable in the heat. But ideally all oils should not be heated especially when we are healing from degenerative conditions.

Restaurants consume so much oil a day so that they have to buy oils in huge bulks which usually come in plastics. When they are used for cooking, usually they are heated in high temperature.

Everybody has their own unique healing abilities. And there are differences how fast you degenerate your health or heal from health conditions. Because we all have weaknesses and strengths in different tissues and organs. So we can’t really compare with others who could be eating McDonald’s for years and they could be having no problems at all (or not paying attention to their health. Usually they are on medications masking what really is happening to their body.).

I come back to the question “How bad you want your health back?”. We can’t force anyone to do what they should do.    It’s always up to us whether we want to commit to our health.

Love in food that we are eating!

I also believe in healing property of the food we are eating. When we make food our own with love and healing energy, the food become more nutritious and will be assimilated optimally in the body.

If a cook in a restaurant had a bad day and making your food with anger, or is having a super busy moment and making your food with the pressure, your food could be burnt (which is carcinogenic) and carries on the stress as its energy.

Especially, when you are willing to reverse the health condition, take time to make your food with prayer and good healing energy.

That’s probably what you would be doing if you are trying to impress someone who you really like.                                     So why don’t you for yourself? (This is SELF-LOVE!)