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trust

What is “Self-Love”?

Educational Information, Healing Procedure, Make Choices, Spirit for Healing March 23, 2018

I was asked one day.

What does self-love mean?

Do you think I have known what self-love is before starting my healing journey?

NO.

I believe this is something you learn as you experience certain events in life and be willing to heal from those events emotionally and physically. I’m sorry but I don’t believe people lightly say “I love myself.”. Because that’s not what I’m not talking about.

Abusing is NOT self-love.

My abusing started when I stopped looking after my body.

I intentionally held bowel movement as I was ashamed to go to the toilet when I was like 7. Then started skipping meals or stopped eating “food” to lose weight. Which led to the anorexic behavior for about 6 years. The reason for the weight loss was that a boy in my class told me that I was chubby. Around the same time, my mother also told me that I was chubby. Since I was sort of competitive in nature, I promised myself to get skinny.

While I kept losing my weight, I also had an extreme pressure from my mother regarding the school work. I was probably a decent student in elementary school but the pressure was put before I enrolled mid school. This pressure gave me stomach pains every morning. I remember taking painkiller pills every day for the next several months until I collapsed in the middle of the class.

Apparently, I almost had a hole in my stomach. Who knows if that was from the pills or the stress.

In the meantime, I have introduced to laxatives from a senior student in school when I was 13 for my constipation. Luckily, my family wasn’t big on any medications unless it’s an emergency. So when I discovered the pills that helped my bowel movement, I was hooked. And addicted.

The daily dose of the laxative was two. How much I took daily was 6. It also helped me keep losing weight. This laxative addiction lasted another 10 years from then.

When I became a high school girl, my eating habit started to rebound. I binge ate pizza, cookies, and other snacks. My mother was happy I started eating no matter what I was eating. I tried to keep my weight just below 100 lbs (my height was 5’6″) with laxatives until I moved away from my parents’.

I started living alone in Tokyo while I was in college. Here I started having serious bulimic behavior. It was very tough times as I had never been able to tell anyone about my “secret”, even my boyfriend whom I was in a serious relationship with.

Tokyo is such a big city where I could easily abuse my body, such as lack of sleep, heavy alcohol intake, binge eating, and very lonely in the heart.

Let me remind you that none of above is ever “self-love”. I abused my body both physically and emotionally. Especially, I remember I cried every time I was trying to throw up in the toilet which often wasn’t an easy procedure.

And HATED me.

I hated myself not knowing when this was going to end. I hated myself not to be able to control my eating attitude. I hated myself hiding “true self” from my partner I loved. I hated myself acting happy in public and being a mess when I was alone.

On the contrary…

I’d like to think of myself I’m a much more self-loving girl now. Sure, the environment is different and I am older. I have learned what I was supposed to along the way. “Wholistic Healing Arts” – body, mind, and spirit. And I am still learning every single day.

Physically Self-loving

I sleep (at least trying to intentionally, if not.) 8 hours a day. I eat 100% organic including plenty of vegetables and occasionally fish and organ meats that nourish my body. I also quit alcohol in 2011 when I decided to commit to my healing. I excuse myself to go to a toilet whenever I need. I stopped weighing in 2005 (I have weighed once in 2009 and was the last time I did so.) but don’t feel pity about my body. I exercise lightly but daily. I enjoy the detox procedures such as Epsom salt bath, castor oil packs, vaginal steam, and coffee enema to help my body regenerate.

Mentally Self-loving

I learned to forgive myself and others in any situations. I learned to understand the unique human being. I learned to set my own boundary. I learned my limitations. I learned that every emotion (anger, sadness, grief, fear, etc) had its own right to be felt. I learned to let myself express how I feel. I learned to say no. I feel comfortable being self-reserved. I learned to let go of toxic relationships. I don’t waste my time with people engage in drama. I laugh every possible moment.

Spiritually Self-loving

I practice 1000 gratitude a day (I haven’t reached 1000 yet, I am trying every day!). I learned the relationship between female hormonal cycle and intuition, which helped me to understand when I would be more intuitive and when I would be more logic. I always ask “Why” to whatever happens in life which will let me become more aware of signs from the universe. I listen to my heart. I say thank you in every possible moment.

Other Self-loving

I don’t try to become someone whom I am not. This is a tough one from time to time, however. We meet people who are like-minded in some topics and completely opposite in other topics. Can we be still close to those people?

The answer is YES. All we have to do is to accept who they are. We don’t need to be with them 24/7. We hang out when we are talking about something in common. You don’t need to project yourself to like everything they do.

I know that I’m not for everyone. What I believe in life is not for everyone. How I see life isn’t for everyone. What works for me isn’t for everyone. Sure. If a lot of people show up in my life and they are all like-minded people, that’s great. But that’s not really my goal for self-love. Self-love here is to be okay with who you are, no matter how many people will become your people. What’s important is that you keep loving yourself despite the change “outside” you.

How bad you want your health back?

Make Choices, Spirit for Healing October 21, 2017

 

Among those who came to see me for their health conditions, I would say probably less than 20 % was ready to make their lifestyle and dietary changes. And I’m not complaining nor trying to change them.

Their priority is the main reason. I would say they are not ready to make changes because of it.

I was lucky enough to have been able to say, “Sorry, I have to be alone for my healing. I can’t see you while I am going through ups and downs. I really need to be focusing on myself.”, when I was just about to enter the most difficult time for healing. I knew my priority. I knew what was the most important matter for me to focus. So I chose me over a very loving man. He understood and gave me a huge respect for my decision. He understood how bad I wanted to heal. He understood how painful it was for me to see him with the red scaly inflamed itchy skin all over my body.

But not a lot of people can make a decision like I did. Some are in a long relationship so that they are living together for many years. Some have the family members who don’t understand holistic healing arts what so ever. Some are too scared to change diet which they grew up on. Even though they are super inspired by healing their conditions without medications but with diet, the nutritions.

I had a Japanese client who was married to a man who never had an interest in healthy eating. But she sought for my professional advice for her allergies. I have suggested the food combining to begin with and all other things. First thing that she worried was her husband. She asked me how she could convince him to understand what she was just about to do. And her second concern was her social life, eating out with her friends.

Well, first of all. We have to explain the reason profoundly why you will be changing how you eat if you are doing the food combining, for example. Give them the reason or two in order for them to understand how badly you want your health back. And most of people who love you, who care for you your health, they will understand you and be supportive for your decision.

I have to say, however, some people say things oppose to your decision because they don’t want you to get what you want. Simply, this could be because they are jealous of you who are strong enough to try to achieve your goal. Or in some cases, especially your parents, they worry no matter what.

One of my mentors once told us about his client. He was obese and had multiple disorders but his background was Italian. He grew up in a family eats greasy pasta, pizza, and other cheesy food. But since he started working with my mentor, he lost 45 lbs (which was still normal weight range) and some symptoms disappeared after couple of months. When his parents saw him leaner, they said that he was too skinny!

Family and friends are the most challenging people that you may have to convince. But if you try to take time to explain sincerely with passion, they will for sure understand you and support you. I believe this will happen to your spouse and children. More over, they could benefit from the dietary change you make!

Social life could be one of obstacles to make changes in your life. But I think it is totally up to you. I would certainly suggest to prepare your own food as much as you could in order to avoid additives, potential toxins, and excess sugar. And if you are 100% committed to your healing, you will do so. However, I understand it will be very difficult to cut every single social gathering all together. If you can have some snack before the gathering at home, you may not need to eat at the party. Whether your food is randomly prepared or made to order, be wise to choose what you eat. Social life with people who aren’t eating as strict as you are could be hard at the beginning but I found it will become easier once you familiarize yourself what/what not to eat or the proper food combining. It doesn’t matter whether people around you know your dietary restrictions or not.

Once your digestion, conditions, or symptoms get better, you should be able to eat without restrictions. For some, they may have the weaknesses in the system so that they won’t be able to eat like before. They have to stick to the certain protocol. Some prefer to stay with the protocol because it feels good.

When conditions and symptoms disappear, we tend to go back to an old habit. Because the pain, discomfort, and all other challenges with the conditions we had will disappear too. And we forget how it was like. But we have to remember what brought you the health challenges in the first place. If we keep doing the same thing dragged you down to the point you had to struggle for your health, it will get us again.

If your body fails you, where will you live?